Things which provoke anger

[Drewbie]

Filing your taxes when you're not quite divorced and your not-soon-enough-to-be ex moved out 5.5 months ago sucks balls.

That is all.

[Drewbie]

Ok, it turns out it's not that bad after I talked to my accountant aunt. I filed Head of Household instead of married filing separately and all is well again.

[Macheath]

COWORKER: I'm getting this error.
OUR HERO: I assume you googled it? First result says it's probably caused by a mismatch between library A and library B. You're using version 327 everywhere except here, where you're using version 10.
COWORKER: Okay, I updated it to version 511.
OUR HERO: ...why not 327?
COWORKER: 511 is the newest.
OUR HERO:. We're trying to solve a version mismatch, you vapid Trump. Make them match.
COWORKER: LOL who knows right!?

[Macheath]

Oh boy, here's another pet peeve:

COWORKER: Hi Ben

............?

Fuck off, come with a question or stay home. Ugh. Snap snap, the keystrokes I waste saying "hi" to you thirty times per day could be spent posting about you online instead.

[liuv]

Hmmm... I do the second one all the time. At least with people I don't work with regularly. I tell myself I'm being polite by not throwing my current issue at them immediately.

Me: Hey Ben.
You: Hey Luke.
Me: Can you check the status on this thing I don't have access to?
You: Sure thing Luke! You're so polite and attractive

Better than

Me: Hey Ben, why is your shit broke?
You: ???

[Macheath]

Hmmm... I do the second one all the time. At least with people I don't work with regularly. I tell myself I'm being polite by not throwing my current issue at them immediately.

I'm too salty today, it is clear to all.

That said, I do think you can get to the point without being rude. "Hey hi hello how are the kids - do you happen to know why your shit is broke?"

If the recipient has fifty mofos pinging him at the same time, he won't be getting back to you in a synchronous fashion; don't just go "ayyy" and sit waiting for him to respond before letting him know what the hell you want.

I'm sure it's perfectly normal, and normal people talk this way all the time. I just deal with it 5-6 times per minute sometimes, and it gets old. Why won't anyone tell me what they want? Is there something wrong with me? Is it my hair?

[nynnja]

Hooman interaction is difficult.

[liuv]

If the recipient has fifty mofos pinging him at the same time, he won't be getting back to you in a synchronous fashion; don't just go "ayyy" and sit waiting for him to respond before letting him know what the hell you want.

That sounds terrible. I'm lucky to not have that many people demanding my attention all the time.

I'm sure it's perfectly normal, and normal people talk this way all the time. I just deal with it 5-6 times per minute sometimes, and it gets old. Why won't anyone tell me what they want? Is there something wrong with me? Is it my hair?

You could reply to those folks with a gentle, "Hey Dood, next time can you please include your question/problem in your initial message so I can triage it?"

[RainMan]

Oh boy, here's another pet peeve:

COWORKER: Hi Ben

............?

Fuck off, come with a question or stay home. Ugh. Snap snap, the keystrokes I waste saying "hi" to you thirty times per day could be spent posting about you online instead.

That one bugs me too. I used to have a coworker who followed this pattern:

Coworker: Hi Dave
Me: Hi
{several minutes elapse}
Coworker: What's the deal with XYZ?

He did it often enough that I had a little library of images I used to respond when he did that:
Coworker: Hi Dave
Me:

[Macheath]

I may borrow that animal picture. Whatever it is.